Thought Disorder

Sunday, September 28, 2008

I can't wait for this to end.

A mixture of feelings: Scared, excited, insecurity, anticipation, lazy, anxious, bored, jaded, lost...

Can't wait to take all the papers, even though I'm not tremendously prepared, and kind of insecure and scared. It's this surreal and realistic feeling at the same time. And I'm wondering if I should study econs later? Or save it for Thursday to do full-blast mugging since it's the last paper anyway.

Just spent the last 1+ hour looking at some random, funny stuff. Mug now, ta.

5:27 PM

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 days away from the end of promos

I was wondering why I didn't have any plans after promos. Last year, I had a whole bloody long list of dramas to watch after eoys ended! This year, there's none. The only thing I'm sure to do is PW. I guess we all know that PW looms after promos. Dread dread dread! ):

I'm not mentally prepared for the first paper at all!

GP GP which essay question will I choose when I get hold of the paper? Even worse, I may not know which question to choose and I'll just stone for 1.5 hours contemplating which question to choose?! Hahaha freaking exaggerated but still, I'm not really in the exam mood. Hi promos is just T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W (technically) and I'm kind of taking life easy right now. Too easy for the most important exam of this year. Can you imagine the anxiety waiting outside the exam hall to go in and sit for the paper? Can you imagine the tension when they say, 'you may begin now.' And we start racking our brains, and start scribbling like a frantic ant.

It's all too unfathomable.

But the 5 days will pass, fast. I'm sure. I will survive this.

Okay so after econs on Friday I'll return home and I'll take a long nap. Then when I wake up I'll start watching new dramas! Like over the past few days I've been generating ideas for the post-promos watchlist. Of course, it can't be too many, unlike last year's. Because very-very-very-important PW stuffs are impending, and holidays will be subsequently consumed by the churning of lunwen draft 1 (I'm on my own for this, darn). Yeah so I guess a few would suffice?

Anyway, I must be productive tomorrow! Today (I mean Saturday) and Friday were rather slack I must say. Go me. I'll stop digressing, and I'll wake up early to mug.

1:14AM

12:59 AM

Thursday, September 25, 2008

So bottle up old love, and throw it out to sea

Okay so I'm taking a breather from intense promos mugging. It hasn't been exactly intense, but still relatively productive. (Did chem and math for the half the morning and whole afternoon!) I'm supposed to check some ionic equilibria question's solution now actually. Mm and I suddenly wondered how prepared I was for an exam during my secondary 1/2 years? I remember that I started becoming less slack in sec 4, and really did a lot of mugging for the exams. And it sort of spilled over now. So I read my archives 3 years back and kind of realised that I don't remember doing/thinking all that weird stuff. I think I didn't really study for the exams back then. Life was good, carefree and easy. When we entered upper secondary level, the workload suddenly became heavier. At sec 4, it became a habit. Now at j1, the workload is 10000x more. I think it'll be 99999999x more next year? But, guess what. I'm already acquainted with such a life. Seriously, it's sink or swim. Zero or hero.

Please please please, let me do very well for math this time. (The feeling in me hints that it won't be a smooth paper) Next Friday I'll return from econs, and I'll take a long nap.

Okay I'll go back to mugging now, ta.

5:10 PM

Monday, September 22, 2008

Help, I'm 6 days away from promos and I've an annoying toothache.

It's sharp pain when I brush the bottom-left side of my teeth. Okay initially I wanted to ignore it but now I think I can't. When I'm not doing anything I don't feel the pain. But when I start eating something (like the yam pau from recess), I can feel faint pain in the distance. It just comes in small waves that would hit me lightly - BUT I STILL FEEL IT. The pain is aggravated when I start brushing my teeth, duh. It's like hitting the rock on the egg. Pinpointing the source of pain. I've kind of located the source of pain though - it's roughly at the intersection between the tooth and the gums? That part of the tooth is painful. And having a toothache isn't good news at all. Because I googled 'toothache' and what came out was a whole list of teeth-related problems such as gum disease, cavities, infected dental pulp etc. Bloody hell. I don't even eat junk food/chocolates/sweets often! I hope I have none of these because they sound so foreign and frightening. But, the only things that a toothache could suggest are these plus other bad stuff. So all in all, I'm doomed.

In the search results were also some home remedies. Like one website said that lime could help relieve toothache. So from tomorrow onwards, I will spam the bottled lime drink that Zhiqian likes a lot! Hope it helps. Otherwise, I'm (FOR SURE NOW) going to the dentist either during study leave or after promos, provided I survive the toothache. Probably not during study leave because I've too much left to cover for promos. I hope the dentist doesn't check my teeth and go, you've got gum disease/cavity/infected dental pulp. Really. I'll really die, and I'll get a huge scolding from my mom for 'not taking care of your teeth and so you bear the consquences but waste my money at the same time'.

Sigh. All the bad things just have to happen at the same time! (I've still got tons to study and revise for promos as well, boooo)

From now on, I will brush my teeth the proper way. I'll go to Watsons tomorrow to get dental floss and I will floss my teeth everyday. And I'll go to the dentist soon! Yes, we always learn it the hard way.

11:55 PM

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Some freak incident happened to me this morning.

It was 9.56am and I decided to take a nap because I was falling asleep while doing math. So I did, and then I had this weird dream, and I can't exactly remember the content myself. The dream felt at least one hour long and I think there was this scene I was actually dreaming of myself sleeping and my parents had returned and I kept hearing voices and footsteps in the background. There were many cross-scenes that had no link at all. At some point in time, I remember that the dream suddenly disappeared and everything was black, but my heart started to race for no reason. It was palpating so furiously that it felt like danger was imminent. Then I woke up, for real, and heard loud marble sounds from the ceiling. (do you know what these 'marble sounds' mean) They were blaring and continuous. Initially I stoned there for a while, waiting for the sounds to go away, but eventually they didn't so I decided to get out of the room immediately. The sounds stopped almost instantly. And I checked the clock the time was only 10.17am.

Only 21 minutes and I could dream a dream that felt that it had lasted for a few hours? The sudden crazy heartbeat? What about the loud and scary marble sounds that stopped as soon as I left the room?

I was left traumatised for a while, but thankfully it was morning. It was queer though. Anyhow, I still continued to study after that (with lots of unwanted and uncontrolled procrastination here and there). Haha! But the day's almost over - I hate this feeling.

5:26 PM

Friday, September 12, 2008

We love Sasa (perfumes) :D

But we hate the salesgirl(s) working in Sasa ): STOP STARING PLEASE.

Omg but I haven't been productive these few days. Everything is so messed up - exam schedule, exam topics, PW, Xperience...and I'm not strictly adhering to the study schedule at all. I mean, it's still vastly empty like at least for the next 2 weeks or so? It's probably me, I'm not motivated to mug at all. It's srsly high-time to get into intense mugging or else. What's more, I'm reminded by the fact that I'm nowhere near starting econs/csc. Oh and I'm so annoyed by the fact that the school's exam committee shifted the csc exam day to the same day as math. Which means I've less time to mug, and I'll die. From doing like 7 hours worth of papers all in a day. WTF. Previously, even after finishing econs on the first week, we'll still have 5 more days to mug for csc. Now, we don't. And I haven't even started mugging for csc! ): *PANIC ATTACK* Content-wise, I'm quite lost because I don't know the boundaries of the exam. Don't even know which topics are tested. Huh. Die csc die.

I MUST STUDY FOR PROMOS!!!

But there are too many things occurring now. For example mooncake celebrations tomorrow. What a bloody waste of time la srsly I could either a) go home after school, take a nap and then mug intensely or b) go out and mug like crazy. Either way I'm more productive than celebrating mooncake festival, and furthermore, I hate mooncakes so what's the point of celebrating its festival. Gross. Pukes.

Okay man, to be realistic, I'll aim for all Es for promos (save for math I must pwnz, srsly) GO ME

12:32 AM

Monday, September 08, 2008

Hello, this is a countdown to promos 2008: 21 days

The talk that revolves around my life.

I'm so f***ing dead

because I've slacked the last few days away thinking that time is on my side. (Just like what the weekly horoscope said: You will not get anything done this week so don't even try to begin!)

Just today, I've discovered the sheer amount of studying needed to be done for promos and I instantly freaked out...and got back to doing !@&*$ CSC homework. Walao CSC homework practically devoured my entire holidays I'm so pissed!!! Plus I'm not even done with everything. Life is really fair.

I'm sorry but I live in reality. Reality Singapore where education reigns supreme in my life for now. Ahhhhhhh. Piak!

THE REAL MUGGING BEGINS TOMORROW,

12:23 AM

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Shin gong oku shyo!

Mm I haven't been hitting the books lately - got distracted by many stuffs along the way. That spells 'dead' for me. I need to be slapped. Gluck (I will attempt to mug now)

3:23 PM

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

This must come to an end.

This slacking must now stop!

Today I came home after PW only to find myself watching 3 episodes of DGCH (Damn good la I swear can't curb the temptation) and then seeing that I only had 4 hours of sleep last night, I went to take a not-so-short nap and I woke up pretty late at night. So in conclusion I've wasted another day doing nothing but procrastinating. Again.

The life of a sad one who is counting down days to promos. And my study schedule is vastly empty. If not, it's a major screw-up because everything keeps snowballing due to procrastination.

Ok, I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE TOMORROW. I have to!

(Even though I know that 10 years down the road, promos results don't matter at all because we probably won't remember it. Even if you screw A levels, you will still have to find a way out of it and life will not end. I know that grades are not ultimately everything. But still, much as I am reluctant to mug like mad, deep down inside me something is prompting me to study. Conscience? Habit? Culture? Perhaps so. Even though I know doing well/badly for this coming exam will not reflect on my future, but I'm still compelled to study. It's like, a moral obligation. I can't help it. When will this ever change? The education system is reproducing such mechanical and jaded robots.)

11:11 PM

About

Felicia studied in Dunman High School, loves elmo, is a major drama addict and is a cake lover. She has quit coffee even though she loves it.